Mum's going back to singapore on friday,
leaving me here alone with my dad who i dont get along with.
Jen's partys on that night which i wont feel like going to at all but i gotta keep busy and try not to think about anything upsetting. Im just gonna drink till i can pull the 'happy look' off. As soon as i get home from the airport im gonna spend the whole time doing my make up as slowly as possible until its time to go.
I feel like ripping out a chunk of someones hair every time i just think of living without my mum. Its completely different to me moving out. cuz thats me moving to a different house and me by myself, not having my dad around. just an hour with him makes me wanna shove a gun down my throat. I have to imagine my mum just went out to get groceries, which makes me worried all the time anyway but its still better than reality.

Eughhh i hate sharing my emotions, stupid gay emo wannabes. fuckin faggs slitting their wrists nowadays cuz they think its hardcore or because of some stupid not-even-serious-relationship problems that arent even worth crying about. Pussys. Why not try slit the neck area? Or try jumping off a couple of bridges? yeh come on people. blame your sex drives. I probably wont go to school for the first couple days next week, just incase i breakdown and bawl my eyes out till i can gather my tears to pour over the next random person i see.
Ive had my share of suicidal thoughts but not about guys, maybe just a teeny bit sad, but not to the extent that i will curl up into a ball and cry in the corner with a razorblade. Ive never really told anyone the full story of the problems i was having though, cuz it was hard to say it the way it was in my head. it'll never come out properly and no one will ever really get how i felt cuz you'll need to know my whole entire childhood aswell and who the fuck would listen to me stutter for hours and hours. even i dont understand what im saying most of the time.
Back to the point, its gonna be harder on the days i menstruate. Mum usually takes care of that for me cuz i leak like a fucking mofo. better hope edward cullen doesnt come drink me once every month. sometimes twice a month and always in between. fully fucked up body system, uterus, ovaries, anus, or wherever the red liquid comes from.. maybe ive got an extra bleeding hole.

Well it kinda feels better writing some of it out here. didnt really wanna separate the sentences properly so it'll look like its too much to read then no one will end up reading it. my mashimaro diary is used up, so too bad.
With all this typing, i cant be fucked writing what i did these hols and we didnt take any photos anyway so no point. What a way to end my fuckin school holidays.

Celebrated Ash comin back to Melb for the week!!
so called "partaaaayy" was more like a gathering though
but still great! Meant to stay the night but
couldn't be fuckedddd, sooooo tiredddd!!
Got pretty wasted too so pissed myself sober before
i got dad to come pick me up. slept for 11 hours straight
Haven't been getting enough sleep lately with school crap
Im still late every single day. i dont know why.
Britt's partys moved to the w/e after which is good cuz
im broke... next pay on the 7th!! cocktail party so

Gonna miss this skank, fuckin legend!! <3

Noel: oi ash!! looks like im lookin down your cleavage!
Ash: shut the fuck up noel!! your gross

Noel: *pulls us in closer* i'll look down nats now!
Me: *AWKWARD SILENCEEEEEEE*


and that is why my face is retarded
oh well.... its like that most of the time anyway

and we look like prostis aswell hahaha
xxxxx

http://www.purplehazetattooz.com.au/about_us.htm
Read this!!! I wanna fuckin get inked here
i didnt even know about this place and its like 5mins
away from my home!! And noel's tatts were wicked,
colour and all that still good on his wrinkly skin =O